through that said, as vital as the is to leave her britches stainless, there space some places that are so vile you start to second-guess the innate instinct to not shit yourself.

You are watching: I gotta take a shit

whether there’s a potentially-diseased toilet seat or a massive audience waiting to gawk in ~ you after you’ve finished up, there room some areas that leaving you wishing girlfriend didn’t ever before have come poop which is a cursed shame.

It’s hard to describe in words yet a comfortable, undisturbed recording is an unprecedented feeling — on the complete opposite end of the emotionally spectrum from disgust and also embarrassment.

I’ve offered a set of ten criteria as soon as making the perform of worst locations to take it a shit: freedom, confinement, distance/proximity, likelihood of piss/poop on seat, awkwardness, stationary structure, noise, toilet upkeep, risk, and toilet document (disturbingly weighed the least of every the criterion).

prior to we acquire started — simply to clarify — “your pants” doesn’t qualified to do this list. Return it incorporates pretty much all ten of these factors, your pants isn’t an really physical ar that you visit, such as an plane or a bar.

every in all, shitting your pants is just one of the worst instances a bro can gain himself into — truly as embarrassing as it gets, but the aftermath is typically laughable in some sick, demented manner.

with all the said, let’s get onto the list:

1. Prison

You’ve probably gained a lot bigger difficulties then worrying around taking a dump comfortable if you find yourself in jail, yet I can’t imagine the this procedure would be enjoyable whatsoever. Based on location alone — through absolutely zero liberty to choose, this is the heavyweight champion of areas I would never want to shit and I can’t view anything yes, really toping the — ever.

Criteria matches: freedom; confinement; likelihood of piss/poop ~ above seat; awkwardness; noise; restroom upkeep; risk

2. The Beach

So countless factors do the beach an unbearable place to poop. Mass quantities of people; sand everywhere; excessive heat — simply to name a few. I think the distance/proximity factor is what provides the beach at No. 2 though. Girlfriend can’t unload in public therefore you have actually to uncover a porter potty and the the next one can be a mile away.

The idea the prairie dogging throughout a coast sounds absolutely miserable. If nature calls once you’re through the ocean, there’s little hope the you will come away from the case unscathed. There room so many things that could go wrong.

Criteria matches: confinement; distance/proximity; likelihood of piss/poop top top seat; stationary structure; toilet upkeep; toilet paper

3. Planes, Trains and Automobiles…and don’t forget boats!

watercrafts should hold a category of your own due to the fact that having to take a shit when fishing is all sorts of disturbing, especially if you have to row back to soil if you’re no on a motor boat.

as for the other mass transit systems, i think they are pretty self-explanatory. Every one of them room confined in room and extremely awkward come exit. Many important, though, is the they are not stationary. It’s one point to have actually a rattling toilet; it’s a totality other animal to need to take a shit in a ar that is in perpetual motion.

Criteria matches: confinement; awkwardness; stationary structure; restroom upkeep

4. Elementary School

I had to carry out this a few months ago and it was so unbearable I practically crapped myself instead. Firstly, the height of an elementary college toilet provides it much more awkward than any type of other toilet you’ll ever shit on. Secondly, the confinement of the stall is therefore cramped the you feel prefer you might not have the ability to push the end your crap. Thirdly, the seat had piss anywhere it prior to I obtained to work. Add up those 3 factors and I think elementary colleges warrant this high ranking, though i am biased.

Criteria matches: confinement; confinement, likelihood the piss on seat; awkwardness

5. Girlfriend’s Parents' House

This is by much the many awkward ar to take it a dump, far superior in embarrass-ability than an aircraft or an primary school school. Ns wouldn’t great this instance upon any type of bro since there is countless risk with nearly no possible reward. The only silver lining I can think that is that the bathroom will be tidy, fine kept and spatial. However, every those optimistic fly the end the home window when friend think around returning come the dinner table best after you just stained she parents toilet with a steamy pack of fecal matter.

You might be asking, “what about my girlfriend’s place?” much more on the later.

Criteria matches: awkwardness; risk

6. Stadiums

No issue what the venue is or what you space seeing — sporting activities or music — over there is no method that a stadion is perfect place to take it a dump. It’s super noisy and also hectic and, the wait to go is unmatched through other locations on this list. If you have to go at a sporting event, difficult shit, wait your turn. These species of instances have caused grown males shitting their pants.

The bathroom upkeep at these areas is atrocious too, perhaps the worst of all the locations on this list. With that said, there’s no azer feeling and also no risk associated when taking a shit at a stadium.

Criteria matches: distance/proximity (waiting in line); likelihood the piss/poop top top seat; noise; toilet upkeep; toilet paper

7. Remainder Stops

rest stops room very comparable to stadium toilets and that’s why these two locations are back-to-back on this list. The commodes at a rest protect against are certain filthy, specifically if you’re in a rural place or a foreign country. In that specific situation, rest stops might elevate top top this list and end up together No. 3 or No. 4. However, this is a wider label for every rest protect against bathrooms. Some are actually well kept, no to point out they have stationary and adult-sized toilets, which room a plus.

Nonetheless, the crowdedness the a publicly rest avoid contributes to the basic lack of room and leads to a deficiency in comfort.

Criteria matches: confinement; likelihood the piss/poop top top seat; noise; restroom upkeep

8. Amusement Parks

I’ve touch on this in the past — amusement park bathrooms are some of the worst areas on the world to go to the bathroom. There room so many tiny kids, amplifying the room and forcing you to reconsider why you’re even at the amusement park in the an initial place. Many importantly, comparable to public swimming pools, untamed and uncontrolled shit is to be expected all over at anytime.

Criteria matches: likelihood of piss/poop on seat; awkwardness; noise; toilet upkeep

9. Bars

Yes, bar bathrooms are gross in the same way as plenty of other places on this list. What renders bars stand out though is the existence of alcohol and the destruction it can lead to in the bathroom. That’s why bars space qualified to do the list — there’s a high chance of piss top top the seat, there’s a guaranteed awkward glance coming your way if your in there for more than three minutes, and, most importantly, there’s no opportunity you can leave if you’ve paid a cover. With limited freedom and that lot risk, bars certainly belong top top this list, if no higher.

Criteria matches: freedom, likelihood of piss/poop on seat; awkwardness; noise; bathroom upkeep; risk

10. In ~ Work

relying on where girlfriend work, this might not be too negative at all. However, toilet upkeep is still a looming hazard no matter how upscale the company is. Many importantly, if her office is small, then everyone will view you obtain up and also go; and also when girlfriend return, there will certainly be many stares. Also, it’s worth stating the risk factor here although that is slight. Do a chaos of the firm bathroom might render friend jobless — yikes.

Criteria matches: awkwardness; toilet upkeep; risk

11. Any type of Girls’ Place

i think this large location functions perfectly as No. 11 due to the fact that it’s certainly not the worst location contrasted to the likes of prison and also an airplane toilet. A chick’s restroom is usually pretty clean and her bathroom virtually always come equipped v some sort of spray or fragrance to stabilize the smell afterward.

However, the awkward factor comes into play, together does the gambling factor. Acquisition a shit in ~ a female’s residence, whether it’s one your having actually sex with or one that has actually attached the “friend” label to you, always comes with an boosted risk the other areas simply don’t have. You merely don’t understand if you’ll still be friends or tho be having actually sex as soon as you acquire done through her when she it s okay a noise of what you simply did to her bathroom.

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Criteria matches: awkwardness; risk

Writer’s note: I regulated to acquire through this perform without once bemoaning around the great outdoors because, let’s be honest, that doesn’t like to switch things up every once and a while and take a dump in nature. Am i alone here? i hope not.